I realise this is my second consecutive blog entry about toilets, but I today I want to examine public restroom social ettiquette. Now, I'm a man, so I can't speak for how things work in ladies' restrooms, but in men's restrooms, there exists an explicit code of conduct, which operates under the principle that everyone is a horny homosexual trying to catch a glimpse of your todger, and therefore all forms of social interaction are to be kept to an absolute minimum. Any man would agree that the atmosphere is intensely homophobic. There are even strict guidelines for how many times you are allowed to shake after relieving yourself. I once offended a red faced, watery-eyed guy in Heebie Jeebies' toilets apparently for shaking myself either too vigorously or for too long, I'm not sure (I was wearing grey chinos; neglecting a thorough shake could have been disastrous). He looked at me and said, "Are you fucking playing with yourself!?". The guy was genuinely upset that I'd broken the "if you shake it more than twice, you're playing with it" tenet. Naturally, I accused him of being a willy watcher, and assured him that, if it was alright with him, I was only shaking it.
There are other rules; no eye contact, no talking, never use a urinal next to one currently in use, even if it's the only one available, don't linger, just get in, do your business, and hurry out before you make somebody feel uncomfortable... So, you can see just just how oppressive and humiliating the whole ordeal of using the men's toilets has become.
Unless you're sadistic. It can be fun for you.
But it hasn't always been like this. Many ancient civilizations used communal toilets and rightfully saw them as nothing to be ashamed about. They sometimes housed up to thirty people in one room, with no cubicles or partitions. It was very much a chilled-out, social atmosphere, where you could chat about current events and even meet new people. No homophobic suspicion, no masculinity hangups. In fact, the Romans enjoyed this platonic atmosphere so much, that by 315 AD there were 144 public conveniences in Rome. It was the golden age of crapping.
Children would even frolic merrily in the septic tanks.
Now, I'm not saying we should start bashing down any cubicle walls, but there is surely something we can learn from our ancestors, here. Personally, I'm not uncomfortable with my body; I was a nude model for art classes a couple of years ago, so being naked is just something that doesn't phase me. I don't think anyone should be ashamed of their body. Besides, one's cock is supposed to be a symbol of one's masculinity, so what does it say about one if one is too much of a bashful and meek pussy to acknowledge anyone's presence because one's got it out? I doubt I'm going to change anyone's mind with this blog entry; it's too controversial. I suppose I'm just too ahead of my time. Also, I have one follower, and I'm pretty sure she hasn't been online for at least two years...
